Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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