Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
