Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
