my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
