I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
