I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
