He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
