and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
