Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
