I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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