What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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