She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
