M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize