I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
