Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
