We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
