Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
