There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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