while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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