Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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