There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Drake has all the answers
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
