matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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