somebody snuck up and got me drunk
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
