i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
