I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
