right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
