You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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