I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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