it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
