I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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