My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
