Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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