Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
