you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
