Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
