No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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