If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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