Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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