Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
We need to rekindle our bromance
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
