She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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