So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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