I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Randomize