I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
