I love black thongs
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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