My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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