This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
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At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
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that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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