Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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