Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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