I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
