Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
