So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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