sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
