therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
