Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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