That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
