I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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