yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
