Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
