Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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