She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
