dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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