i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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