A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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