just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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