My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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