I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
