Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
