The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I want a musical about memes.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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