Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
