Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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