So drunk its hurt
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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