i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
