is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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