By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
