Don't you send me to vm
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
