I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
